Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
