so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
