He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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