Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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