I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
