she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
