Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
