you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
