The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
