im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Found your dick twin last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
