he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
