There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
