my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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