you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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