Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
