Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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