Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
