and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
