Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
