I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
wow bdsm is so cute
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