Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
