I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
