ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
