You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
