I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
