he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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