I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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