Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
