in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
