I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
