Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
