Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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