Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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