apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
