my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your dad touched me again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
