I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
