And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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