Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
