come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
