This is not my ceiling
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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