I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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