I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
