I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
