I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
