if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
