He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My bed smells like the plague
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
