Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
