A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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