Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
