We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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