I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
