I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
