ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
