first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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